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Songs for Sad Trolls

by PhemieC

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big suit david byrne
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big suit david byrne I'm re-reading homestuck again, like a sane person, and just went on a spiral wailing to myself (lovingly) about all the beautiful art that came out of this fandom in its prime, some of which is just as integral to my love of this ridiculous webcomic as the thing itself. Haven't bit the bullet to buy the OSTs on bandcamp yet but this album deserves it. I'm very normal about things I loved when I was 14 and continue to love, I promise Favorite track: Finally I've Flown.
--N--
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--N-- This album is amazing, both musically and lyrically. PhemieC’s lyrics perfectly capture the beta trolls’ perspectives on themselves, others, and specific events that occur in Homestuck. This makes it pleasant to listen to and contemplate as a fan of the webcomic. Everyone should listen to this album, though. It’s just that good.
“Finally I’ve Flown” & “Friend, Leader.” are very good and sad. Love those two as well as “Mary”, “A Confession”, “Ugly Story”, and “Save You”. Favorite track: Mary.
esme
esme thumbnail
esme I literally didn't notice this was about homestuck until the day after I downloaded it. I just fell in love with the first track and knew I had to buy the whole album. I assume there are references I don't get, as someone who's only read the first like fifteen pages of homestuck, but I find the songs hold up regardless - they're musically interesting, deceptively simple at first but frequently surprising, and the lyrics have a lot of heart. I like this a lot. Favorite track: Made Of Death.
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1.
I found a few spare milliseconds I'm prepared to waste I've been leaving copies of myself across paradox space I've been a body with no soul, and a soul in metal, cold. Please trust in what I tell you. Don't you know that I am made of time? What a chorus line of corpses we've collected At least we're good at one thing I suppose It's nice to feel excited once again Let's throw the loveliest of human funerals I used to feel I stood for something, then I just felt fine I've fallen prey to feeling some emotions that weren't mine I was never really gone at all, but you believed I was So, I'm sorry that I left but I've returned to help our cause In our story I do not narrate, I just fill the margins With bubbles, circles shapes where we may place our fallen friends Has it been years or days or has it been a breath? I may be Maid of Time but I am also Maid of death
2.
Say that you believe in faeries 'cause if you don't I'll never fly again falling down is not as scary as never finding confidence to stand and now I guess, I'll never know I'm in Neverland forever, I never will grow old and I'm leaving you lost boys and girls, alone and finally I've flown I'm a hero in a land of treasure and a failure, in a body that's all wrong I tried to measure up to this adventure to fantasize and make believe I'm strong But if I give my all and still amount to nothing in the end, then I guess it was pretend when I thought that I could help protect my friends and with my lance I'll charge into the morning, look for me by the light of the second star I used to feel so small and wary but maybe growing up means many things So say that you believe in faeries cause really, they're just miracles with wings And if you miss me, let me go you can kiss me but my body will eventually grow cold but you can dream of me and I will let you know that I am fine here I am not alone and I can fly here Finally I've flown
3.
Double Time 04:22
(Heh. This is ridiculous.) One of me is my enemy the other me is a pretty cool guy but I haven't seen him around lately we don't see eye to eye There's too much noise and too much spit but I think I've gotten the hang of it or at least I thought I did until you up and kicked the bucket (Wait! I mean... oh, f*ck it) (Would you just get out of here? I'm trying to concentrate!) What do you see in him? What could I say to convince you not to hop his way? I've never been too good at the ebb and sway much prefer the electrical current The bees are buzzing in my mind that double crossing and two-timing (get it?) prospectors pan shifting through sand searching for a golden nugget Little brains build little bridges trying to connect, but I'm already on the other side, you'd know a lot about that, right? I'm twice the man as he is, I'll work for you double-time Would that be fine? :D *SNARKY WHISTLE BREAK!* :D (C'mon seriously?) Of course it's fine. (Okay, cut it out. That's it. I'm serious. No whistling.) Primarily, I'm primary though some may say I'm incomplete and should be in a jar label me "DO NOT EAT" Hope has struck me in the face and with his ace of clubs he shoved me back into the race cause second place still wins a trophy I might have overheated, now remind me how I died, was it my motherboard, or just my RAM? Now I've found a player two in you, I'm glad I fried, I'm using every second that I can of Double Time, Double Time... Double trouble bursting bubbles Where you go I'll follow Hollow-eyed and now I'm fine I'm only making up for lost time Tick and tock and red and blue The colours and the sounds I never knew When they were all I saw Now sightless-eyed and empty-jawed Double Time... (...Oh geeze, what is it now? Okay, here. Give it over here. You're just making it worse. But don't bug me anymore unless it's an emergency, okay?...)
4.
There will be no soft sounds this time no arms, not mine at least should've expect this, I guess, no "shh" can sooth your beast and it was my problem once, that violence inside your eyes bright red and high with death and pie, and rage that never dies and I used to blame myself, then I blamed everybody else, but never you cause you were just a messed up kid, who'd step in it, get scared and sit, and pray for goats and gods who would know what to forbid and when you would reach out, well I'd run my big mean mouth and make it worse And maybe I deserve that hurt, destruction of my universe, so if you've gotta beat somebody up don't make it her. I'm sorry, I messed up, I'm not a leader anymore. I'm sorry, I messed up, I'm not a leader. Not a leader. Not a leader, friend. No more attempts to make you see, I tried, he succeeded, oh well but what I can say to a girl who'd play with a noose of excuses until her big wicked grin disappears in the smoke, and crack goes the rope pulled true I know enough about doubt, and hating myself, to tell that you now know it too and I used to blame myself, then I blamed everybody else, including you but you were perfect as you were all angled out, a blinding blur so bright and beautiful, and clever, yeah for sure But when you would reach out, well I'd run my big mean mouth and make a mess And now it's my turn to confess I wasn't there, I didn't guess that you were slipping, 'till you tripped right off the edge I'm sorry, I messed up, I'm not a leader anymore I'm sorry, I messed up, I'm not a leader,not a leader, not a leader... Said a thousands words but they never helped I hid my scars from you out of shame Took up the cause, Yeah I took the helm But I'm not the only one who's changed I knew you first, I knew you best I wish I'd stopped it way back then when things were bad, but they still made sense when we were kids, when we were friends. Friendleaders...
5.
Furever 03:53
We all have got a role to play the lioness she stalks her prey he's bleeding in the tall grass, unaware his thrashing makes him easier to follow But when she gets him in her claws she'll invite him in because her cave is not a home without him, just a hole that is lonely and hollow And can't you see the writing on the wall is drawing us together? It's written there in soot and ash and blood and that's furever. And so if you are terrified, of what you hide, remember That I'm still on your side, and that's furever...furever... We all have got a role to play You'll be filling yours someday and I'll be filling mine until then we're killing time, hunting monsters in our minds and when I see you standing strong Pretending you don't want to play along I'll never make you blue (or make you pay) I'll tackle you into a pile to unwind And can't you see the writing on the wall is drawing us together? It's written there in soot and ash and blood and that's furever. And so if you have been denied, choke up your pride, remember That I am on your side, and that's furever...furever...furever. I don't have to argue, everybody knows you have issues, you lay your colors bare (in a manner of speaking) I'll be there when you finally decide to bare your heart, it's the part I want to share And I don't have to argue, everybody knows you have issues, you wear them on your sleeves (so to speak) I'm not a thief, the only jewels that I need are your diamonds, and I find them following The bows and arrows, in your words The words behind your broken teeth The broken glass that's under foot, and paw and hoof the high and low, whatever nonsense you believe The vast unknown laid out ahead, The tears and anger, good and bad The big adventure still at hand, and paw and whiskers. Grey, blue, red, whatever, I will understand! And can't you see the writing on the wall is drawing us together? We're written there in soot and ash and blood and that's furever And so if I've been too discrete, let me repeat, remember That I'm still on your side, and that's furever... furever...
6.
Mary 04:04
look at all the many colors, so exquisitely embroidered, delicately and precisely sewn into a line organized in harmony, relationships so intricate how'd I ever come across a tapestry so fine? but what is this? you're burning holes in my stitching the colours bleeding into one big mess did you guess, I'd let this fabric fray? I'm meddling with murderers who still deserve to pay for their insanity and though I'm one of them, I'm rarest of my kind, for many fell but only I arose it's been so long, since I've seen the sun, who's to say if the colours have faded? locked away so long, now jaded, left only to decay I'm Mary. I feel like Mary in this dress. I'm Mary. And virgin journeys lie before us, patient and inscrutable There's clouds of visions, crowds of villains, mulling in withdrawal And who would make the sacrifice, who but I is suitable? who but the sharp dressed woman with a dull chainsaw? I mean no insult, but I'm fed up It's my fault, gave you the go ahead I've lost my way, my hopeful days are just as dead as I am And failure on my part to intercede has now ironically or cosmically, like poetry, come in between our destiny and us but now there's nothing left and nobody to meddle with to try and make it better, it's unsettling, to mother nothing Mightn't I have seen this coming on the horizon? storms of green and orange, this world of monsters taking form but no, it is my place to simply fade away like wind like someone else that I could name that shouldn't have been born Of Mary. I feel like Mary in this dress. I'm Mary and I've nothing to confess but hear me, cause no-one else is left
7.
A Confession 04:13
You cause nothing but trouble wherever you burn. You're the sunlight in my open eyes, but I wont go blind today. Cause when liars lead minds with their wiles and clever distractions, I see through them And I've got experience dealing with repeat offenders, they swing from my branches, like unripened fruit, found wanting when weighed. With all of the evidence finally laid out in front of me, I can almost taste a confession, a confession. So if the court would stay quiet for only a second, I'm pleased to make my case, and tell my story but wait just a moment I'm passing a motion, I also am the judge, and the jury You should worry, you should worry. Where are you leading us? all is malodorous evil The reddest of herrings is wearing a worrying scent You ask if I'm serious why am I acting so gleeful? What do I want? Should you rather absond or repent? Absond or repent? Settle the score? No lawyer needs a spider in their corner shredding documents for sport. Now, deciding your fate is no simple matter because part of me knows that I would miss you but you're so complicated, I couldn't pin you down, and now you're becoming an issue. Little thief on the run, I'm a witch hunt of one, and the very first question I'll ask in your interrogation was all of it, everything, just one big game? And if so was it luck of the throw, your misrepresentation? And subsequent incrimination, incrimination. While I was dreaming I learned a brand new way of seeing from a fetus, a mother, but also a beast and a ghost you ask if I'm kidding, you're having a hard time believing "Am I villain or victim? Why can't I be neither, or both?" Neither or both? It's either/or. It's not multiple choice you stupid girl. Why don't you break that magic eight ball, and give a coin a whirl? Give a coin a whirl. Give into the law. Confess, you silly girl.
8.
An Apology 04:13
Once upon a time a stutter disgusted me, muttered distrust at me, pity you couldn't fly. I've only ever taken what's mine, So what if I help you, I'm helping myself, too? Twice I got the wind knocked out of me, why? Just to curl up and die? No, I've got too much pride. So I breathe it in then let it out slow, When I turn to go, find you trailing behind. I fought for every last inch that I got Forgive me for leaving my spot Not standing in w8 while you finished the race with those two broken legs you've got. One thing's for sure... If I were you I never would have let it stop me, I never have before. And if you knew what I went through while trying to get through to you, you'd thank me! You'd get down on one knee, no matter how much it hurt and you would say "I'm sorry", but I would say it first... Once, the two of us were eye for an eye Now I've given up trying, how could I be so blind? You'll never let me settle the score To you I'm the scourge, not the the partner in crime. I fought for every last one of you schmucks! I might as well have saved my luck Not wasted it all on some shortsighted, know-it-all so-called friends, you're not. One thing's for sure... If I were you I never would have let it stop me, I never have before. And if you knew what I went through while trying to get through to you, you'd thank me! You'd find me in a dream, on some uncharted map And I would say I'm sorry, and you would want me back... Once the world was just a web and a spider, and so was I. A liar in a dress of white.
9.
Little boy blue, don't you play too rough with your new toy if you touch her, she'll break and her blood is so annoying don't you like to watch, much like a shadow lost in the shade? Make her, you'll unmake her, but you'd rather be unmade Oh It's not my place to interfere, my dear Oh, no Will you embrace me and erase my fear? Woah Wipe me out like a stain, with a grin I will hang from your string And by your judgment of my merit I'll inherit nothing Nothing is what I deserve Nothing is what I have earned If nothing is what you have chosen to give me Then nothing is for what I yearn Nothing lasts forever, nothing really matters Nothing never breaks, busts, bends, rusts, upends or shatters. I've never had a weakness that couldn't be destroyed And I've never had a sinful thought that couldn't be avoided Control your temper, control your language, or anguish in languid soul It's what you were born to do, but you'd rather be controlled Oh I just presumed that you'd refuse me Oh, no Excuse this common fool his crudity Woah Break this wild horse, I will not fight, 'cause of course I would win And I'd much rather give in and bare it all 'till I inheret nothing Nothing is what I deserve Nothing is what I have earned If nothing is what you have chosen to give me Then nothing is for what I yearn Nothing lasts forever, nothing really matters Nothing never breaks, busts, bends, rusts, upends or shatters. I must obey the order, for I've order to restore Each circuit sends a signal to the process in the core and if none of this means anything than what's my anger for? I'd rather be most anything, the dirt under your heel my king, a peasant or a pauper, or a knight in shining armor what's required of your noble steed? Through your direction I am freed and neigh I say! I wont stand in the way of what you have decreed for- Nothing is what I deserve Nothing is what I have earned If nothing is what you have chosen to give me Then nothing is for what I yearn Nothing lasts forever, nothing really matters Nothing never breaks and nothing never shatters.
10.
Little Clown 03:29
what did you do, little clown? from his neck the walls are bleeding brown soon the blue to follow, then the green last will be the brightest red you’ve seen brightest red you’ve ever seen I rotted little holes in all my flaws I and also I will be your gods tear down the lies, little trolls now I see the flaws I see the holes I see the flaws I see the holes did you forget I was here? everything you never thought to fear did you mistake me for tame? brother, things will never be the same things will never be the same I am the bard, I sing of rage I sing of rage I sing I sang it to the heir, the rogue and page the rogue and page page page…
11.
Ugly Story 03:19
I am a prince and I live in a ship and I aim my rifle and I shoot from the hip and I have a friend I pity quite a bit she said "grab your gun let's have some fun, share with me your perigees I have responsibilities, I cannot run!" "I do not wish the death of any living thing, I might be a killer but one day I shall be queen and put an end to slaughter, but until then I'm keen on staking claim to land and sea and everyfin between." I played a game with eleven fools who told me not to break the rules but when have angels ever helped me yet? and magic isn't real and anyway it doesn't matter cause no matter what I conjure it could not help be me deflect the angry death of every hopeful thought that I might be a lover or a fighter that I'm not in someones spider web or net I could be caught but I'm too bitter, better off alone, guess I forgot So what? Do you want me to say sorry? should I apologize, when you ignore me? I didn't ask to be right or to be lonely or to be hatched into an ugly story I am a prince and I had a pair of princesses in two sharp squares but then I guess I bored them both to death And now I think my calling is to break apart and fall to pieces better yet invent a brand new method of ascension I'm impressed, you've managed to survive but rest assured we'd all be better off dead than alive cause when they get a-hold of us we'll all be batter fried and I'm surprised that nobody's considered switching sides So here I am, respectfully and royally destroying any chance of getting back on your good gills And I don't want to be hurtful but if yellows the new purple well then bleeding's the new breathing, don't you think I will! I used to wish the death of every living thing I might be your killer but you'd never be my queen so put away your laughter, pack up your hopes and dreams I'm done with black back-handing and red pandering, it seems That I am just pathetic, I won't be overlooked I'm past the point of fishing to get back upon your hook I've made a manifesto, I've been bested by a crook, but never more! I'm planning on reclaiming what he took... So what? do you want me to say sorry? should I apologize, when you ignore me? I didn't ask to be right or to be lonely or to be hatched into an ugly story to be hatched into an ugly story Oh my, this pantomime is getting gory I am a prince and I live in a ship I am a prince and I live in a ship
12.
Save You 05:08
There was a darkness, that soothed me, and raised me up to dream in an abyss, those nightmares, they're not what they seem they whispered of a world they'd known where every child was their own all the colours of an oil spill when moonlight hits the wave, I'll save you all. You've seen all the things that I've seen, you've been all the places I've been, my friend you know all the things that I know, well maybe not all but most so who cares who is better or worse than anyone? I've made mistakes along the way, but who said things should stay the same, I don't agree the universe is filled with so "moray" new exciting things to sea, for you and me you don't need saving, you can save yourself you're all so special from the inside out, Just take a second, look how far we've come I bet if the nightmares could see me now they'd say "well done." well done, well done, well done daughter, daughter well done. There was a darkness, that knew me, and raised me wild and strong so hated, and so feared was she, though fearful most of all she whispered of a hunger deep and as old as the bones beneath her meat all strange serenades and never sleeps yet never wakes, I'll break your fall you've done everything that you could, you feel like there's something else you're supposed to do who crossed that road, who burned that bridge, who fought that current and swam with the fish, was it you? I've lost a friend, I've gained a friend, what's a friend mean but a means to an end? I tried my best with everyone I've ever loved ill outlive unless I can find where life inside me rests, it is my test You don't need saving, anymore, anymore but I'm still waving from a not-so-distant shore just take a second, look at what you'll start I'm sorry that I couldn't save you, from darkness inside your heart your heart, your heart, your hardened heart, friend...

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Twelve songs about twelve kids with grey skin, orange horns and complicated destinies.

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released June 5, 2015

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PhemieC Toronto, Ontario

I'm PhemieC (fem-ee-see). I'm a singer and songwriter from Manitoba, Canada (previously Toronto). My songs are character studies, therapy, or both. Some of my stuff is fan music, but all of it is 100% original and completely self-produced. Thank you for your support <3 ... more

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